In my undergraduate dietetic classes I clearly remember being anxious every time I was asked the question, "Why do you want to be a dietitian?" My mind would filter through the possible half-truth answers of "I’m just interested in general malnutrition" or "I want people to have a healthier relationship with food and know that they can eat all different types of food without guilt." If I felt particularly brave and like I was in need of a good ol' adrenaline rush I would give the full-truth answer. The full truth was this: I recovered from anorexia. I went through treatment. I hated my eating disorder dietitians in treatment (Sorry, but obvs! ED dietitians were the ultimate enemy of my eating disorder!!). But they were the ones that saved me. This experience helped me realized how eating disorder dietitians are absolute soldiers in the eating disorder treatment field. I can think of nothing I would rather do for the rest of my life than help eating disorder patients as they travel along the journey of recovering and reforming their relationship with food and their bodies. Even if on certain days it's a tough job.
The hesitation for giving my full-truth answer came from the “vibe” I have often felt through the change of tone in the room, from light-hearted interest to that of people squirming with awkwardness and discomfort at my answer. I suppose they think there is something highly suspicious of someone with a past of anorexia (despite being recovered for the better part of a decade) now working with eating disorder clients. Because of this honest answer I have often felt judged, or “less than” more times than I care to recall. Honestly, it can be quite irritating.
When the tone in the room takes a turn for the worse after this honest response, I always affirm myself after getting over my indignation of being discriminated against. Yes! I tell myself. Yes, I am an eating disorder dietitian, and yes at one point I was anorexic. The fact that I have a history of anorexia does not mean that I have no business being an eating disorder dietitian. In fact, I think it makes me a better, more empathetic eating disorder dietitian because I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I know that it can suck so bad to go through the weight restoration and refeeding processes. But I also know that recovery leads to a fuller life. The pros so outweigh the cons. And for me, that meant being recovered to the extent of being a kick-butt eating disorder dietitian.
So to all you recovered dietitians (and other recovered clinicians) out there serving in the eating disorder treatment field, you absolutely rock! You are so strong and brave. You are a soldier. You are so kick-butt.
I salute you!